This is from March... It has an uplifting ending I haven't written yet

I am a new human today. Sick of the filth of yesterday. The grime that I thought was pure gold--that sought after gem in the rough trenches of earth...only to identify its true worth: a contaminated attempt at pure beauty.

Is that what I was all those years? A contaminated attempt at pure beauty? The putrid scent of raw flesh dressed in fashion. Fashion is pretend. Just a covering of insecurity with swaths of depravity and lonliness--all pretending to be glorious and expressive and alive.

But I'm not talking about fashion. I'm reacting out of my old mind-set in regard to what I wore, how I wore it, who I wore it around, why I wore it. And not simply just clothing. Clothing is hardly any of it. Everything. My music, my art, my car, my house, my personality, my laugh, my face, my hat, my shoes, my fingernails, my journal entrees, my blogging, my judgments, my on-line profiles, my conversations, my voice, my intonation, my humor, my friends, my interests, my pathways, my college, my God, my classes, my coffee orders, my nutrition, my job, my sense of irony, my politics, ethics, my cynicism, morals, my charities... everything. After years of stuffing my life with everything I believed in--valuing its important above all else-- I have since discovered what it was, after climbing on top of it. A Dump heap. The sewage of vanity. The soot of pride.

Fragrant Love

In the depth of a valley
Your goodness retains Its sweetness on my lips
Even in stagnant waters
The fragrance that I've come to know guides me to a
Spring Fountain

In the frailty of my body
Your heart rushes life like a rapid river
Crushing dams and leveling levees
to the ground

------

In the pit of my greed
You offered me riches that far exceeded my lusts
In my vanity you blinded me before granting me new vision of my self:
the perfect bride of Christ

In my ego you pierced through the facade and revealed my true identity:
A humble Child

In my nothing you made something

In my lack you made worth

In my abandonment you adopted me
As your own